"AT&T Breaks"

About 15 years ago........there was a commercial, the details are fuzzy......but a hurried and harried mother is on the phone on a business call. She is approached by her young daughter.........."when can I be your client, mommy?" Segue to the mom on the beach with her kids AND her cell phone. It spoke to our hearts.......

Since then, my FAVORITE aunt has periodically sent little reminders.........reminding me to take "AT&T breaks". Reminding me to not get so caught up in work or the business of life that I forget the most important. One time, she even sent little plastic beach shovels which I displayed on my desk as a reminder.

I still have a dream of a "real" family vacation before my youngers leave home, but more important are the little "breaks" we share with one another and time spent having fun..........together!

Jesus Take The Wheel......

On the way home from church today, we three were listening to our favorite radio station.....country of course. They were doing a special "countdown" of the top 50 number one hits of 2006. As we pulled into our driveway, the #1 was about to be broadcast, we listened in anticipation. "Which one of our favorites would it be?" (sigh) It was Carrie Underwood's "Jesus Take the Wheel". We sat, we listened, we sang. I contemplated. I was proud for the beautiful young woman who had the courage to make that her break-out song. Happy that it was so well received, glad that Jesus was heard in popular culture.

Each time I hear that song.........it reminds me of moments in my life........when hope was waning, when life seemed "impossible", when I just could not take another step on my own..............times, when I've just given it ALL up to God with no regard for the outcome. Each time He has been faithful to see us through. Often, He has surprised us!

And yet the challenge that I find more often is surrendering my will to Him in the "good" times. It's then that I tend to think that I can do it on my own. It's then that I tend to "leave God out". I know better. Will I ever get to a place that I just surrender my will to His without this struggle?

This is my prayer, to give to Him all of me.

"If God is your co-pilot then you're sitting in the wrong seat"

Someone Forgot to Mention...

k.................

when I made the decison to have children......i DID understand that i would have to feed them, clothe them, protect them.

i KNEW that two's say "i hate you mommy" just to get a reaction, i was also aware that teens would roll their eyes at me.

i knew that finances would change and priorities in life as well. i understood that i would have sleepless nights. I also believed that for all of the changes, i would never regret being a momma.

but what someone failed to mention.......................IS THAT I WOULD HAVE TO GO SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Father, give me patience and YOUR strength)

Teehee

I still can't get over this one in high heels........sigh.

Our Own Little Miracle

My favorite daughter has an idiosyncrasy which drives us each nuts!
She wears size 11 shoes. Okay, really what drives us to the brink is that no one seems to stock shoes in her size. I personally know of other women with size 11 or greater feet.........WHY then can we never seem to find shoes in that size???

Her solution to this on-going dilemma is to simply wear "flip flops" whenever possible. She has them in various colors and "bling." At her last high school the students and faculty were even allowed to wear them on campus. However, certain events require a more traditional foot attire. Vocal and band performances, for example. Inevitably, on these occasions we find ourselves shopping until it hurts and even crying before a "not quite right but it will do" pair is purchased. (I'm typically apologizing to her for my part in the biology of the matter.)

This particular event was Christmas Eve service at our church. She'd found a lovely dress ensemble and "flip flops" even with the sparklies just wouldn't do........
Last Friday, I decided to "throw some money" at the problem and hit Nordstrom's department store. They have a reputation for their inventory of large sized women's shoes. With grand-daughter in tow, we hit the fancy mall. The store with the reputation for large sized women's shoes was a TOTAL blow-out. We were sorely disappointed as we tried our "luck" at several large and small shoe stores and department stores. Finally, in frustration, we split up while I went into a music store to find another elusive item. As I was paying for my Michael Crawford Christmas CD, my cell phone rang...........I should come immediately!

She had found the perfect pair to match her dress and her youthful but classy style.
I was relieved even though they cost more than I've ever paid for a pair of shoes. The mall was closing and "kid sister" hadn't gotten hers.

Saturday night (after the spa day!) we took my other favorite daughter to Payless Shoes hoping to score on her account. She found the perfect pair of shoes ONLY THEY DIDN'T HAVE THEM IN HER SIZE............sheeeesh!
The sales associate was able to locate a pair at a nearby store and have them held for us. When we arrived at the 2nd Payless shoe store to pick up the shoes, I heard my elder call me.

When I got to her, I saw that she had the most adorable pair of heels on.........."they fit, mom!!!" "and I love them!!!" I did too. I told her to get them. But as she went to put them in the box, she saw a pair of shiny blue flats that caught her attention............."Oh but I like these too". "Get them" I said without hesitation. She looked at me in shock and disbelief, had she heard me right? "I can get two pair? Do I get to keep the ones we bought last night?" Then I noticed a pair of black shiny flats just like the blue ones, "why don't you get these ones too? they'll match more outfits." The child had never heard of such a thing! Four pair of shoes in two days? In fifteen years, she's never even had four pair of shoes in one year! We walked out of the store with four pair of shoes (three for Nel and one for Angie) and a purse for less than the one pair we'd bought the night before. My girl thinks I'm crazy............but I think I'm smart. Who knows when we'll find another pair that fit her, and at $14.99 a pair I don't even care that it wasn't BOGO! My girl is happy. Her momma is happy. As far as we're concerned.....it was our own little miracle.

Oh! And "the kid sister" found the most delightful pair of first high heels. sigh.

A Queen Day

This past April a sweet friend sent me a gift certificate for my favorite day-spa.
"One hour facial (sigh), one hour massage (sigh), hand and foot treatment (sigh), and a manicure and pedicure (yeah!)." (The last time that I'd been in it was a Christmas gift from my boss and my appointment was July 14, 2005. Right after a judge declared me single, again.)

By the time that I knew it, it was late November and I still hadn't enjoyed my birthday gift. I called expecting an appointment in January or later, but was very pleasantly surprised that they had appointments on December 23rd. Wow! A Saturday appointment two days before Christmas. What a treat.

When I entered the salon on Saturday, I was greeted by name with a "how are you, today?"
"Good, but not as good as I will be in about three hours" was my reply. Then an "oh no, you won't be done here until about five". As I was doing the mental calculations.............."one hour plus one hour......" she said, "we had a telephone call yesterday and there were things added to your visit".

At five o'clock I left for home, with the feeling that I'd been treated to something I'd never even imagined before.

Thank you.

What WAS I Thinking????

"Would you and the girls like to light the advent candles at the Christmas eve service?"
I didnt hesitate to answer "yes". What a blessing it would be. What an honor.

What I forgot is "me". Usually when I read scripture I am, errrrrrrr "easily excitable". I often laugh or cry or express joy and amazement in the WORD. Even at home, alone. Even at my bible study.

So as my three beauties and my first grand stood before the congregation and I read the message of Salvation................God as man, THE KING who came not on a glorious steed with a great army, but who came as a humble infant; the one who would conquer sin and death through his own blood and suffering.........my voice quivered as I held back the tears of gratitude and awe.


Mary......did you know??

It's Over

Well, it's over again! Another season of fundraisers, Christmas events, shopping and tinsel and what seems at times like outright craziness!

This time of year also seems to be a time of reflection. Two years ago on the weekend before Christmas my husband moved out. It was a mutual decision made weeks earlier and even though I knew that it was the best decision for our family, it was still so hard to give up the fantasy of "happily ever after".

2005 was tough financially and emotionally, the legalities of divorce, a new job which took me further away from my family, even the price of gas was a tremendous stress. A couple of weeks before Christmas, I received a call from our local post office.........I almost didn't return the call. They wanted to know if they could be "Santa" for my girls. Did you know that they do that? Just some ordinary folks, looking to lend a hand at the USPS. I was too broke, too stressed, too tired. And yet I was blessed.

In 2006 the house that we lived in was sold. Our community had seen a 300% increase in real-estate prices over just a few years, and I could not afford to pay the new rent. And yet, doors were opened for our family. This Christmas as I purchased gifts for my daughters and granddaughter, I was ever so cognizant of where we have been. And ever so grateful for the provision for our family. And I am acutely and personally aware that in our nation, regular families, working families are affected by a crisis in affordable housing. For many home-ownership is a futile dream, but even renting can cause financial stress and instability.

In our tiny little apartment five "k****-girls" celebrate with a tree and trimmings and gifts. Most of all we have each other and a wonderful family. Even more, we have a Father who loves us. Enough. May you know his love more than anything this year!

The Aunts.....

A Bit of Data..........

• Hepatitis C Virus is a blood-borne virus that enters the body through direct blood exposure.
• The virus attacks cells in the liver where it multiplies. HCV causes liver inflammation and kills liver cells.
• The National Insitutes of Health estimates that some four million Americans are infected with HCV. HCV affects over 170 million people worldwide.
• An estimated 8,000 - 10,000 Americans die annually of complications related to HCV. (cirhossis, cancer of the liver, etc) This fiqure is expected to triple in the next 10-20 years.
• Most people report few or no symptoms during the acute phase of HCV infection. Chronic HCV may be undiagnosed for years.
• Most people with chronic HCV infection lead relatively normal lives with with disease progression typically occuring over 10 - 40 years.
• There is no cure or vaccine for HCV.
• Hepatitis A, B and C are related only in that they affect the liver.

For additional information: http://www.hcvadvocate.org/hepatitis/hepC/hcvinformation_2006.html

and check out a local support group!!

still here..................kinda

too tired to even write lately.......
nonetheless so very much to be grateful for.
Father, give me your strength.
Father, Thank you.

Grocery shopping......

We went grocery shopping today. As were cruising the aisles, unit pricing, checking labels:

(watch for sodium; be mindful of yer sugars and fats; Avoid corn sugars; NO "partially hydrogenated oils"; weigh nutritional value; choose organic when you can; fresh fruits and veggies are the best "junk food")

Nel's getting all excited about the sodium in canned soups , and she found a brand that was low in sodium AND organic...................as I'm watching us three.........I cant help but laugh as I think "who raised these freaks??"

We have much too much fun in the grocery store!

Playing Hookey

Today was an annual "date" with my girl.

One day a year, we skip work and school to attend the LPGA ADT Championship at Trump International Golf Club. Angie gets to see her favorite women golfers such as Annika, Christi and Paula. On Sunday the crowds and "grandma" will join us for the final round.

Last year she had it in her head that she was going to say "hi" to "the Donald". Sure enough, while she was chatting with Christi Kerr and getting an autograph he drove up on a golf cart. I watched from a distance as my little blonde "high fived" him. She was so pleased with herself.

The child is a delight! Thank you, Father. For this day, for this opportunity, for the gift of this precious one.

Father, Thy Will Be Done

I hope that someone is praying for me right now............I am.

When I first started this journal on line.........it was intended to be exactly that..........MY JOURNAL. Lately though, I find myself editing. Avoiding certain topics because people who know me could be reading. And that is creating a crisis for me..........do I just shut it down? or do I avoid writing my heart because it is "messy"?

I also intended this journal to be a gift for my children, for that reason it is a deception to not include ALL that we experience as a family. Of course what I live impacts their lives. And even the trials bring gifts. So...............I know that I have to include "the germ". It is an intimate part of our family. It determines what we eat and what we drink. It has daily implications and effects our future. Most of all it influences our attitudes.

To look as us, I think we look just like any other single parent family. A pre-menopausal middle aged woman, a teen, a tween, and a twenty-something who is now creating her own family. We are passionate females who often butt heads and roll our eyes. We embarrass each other and bicker and kiss on the lips. We are intelligent and witty. We are artists and musicians and "scientists". I dance terribly. Nel has a gift with a hammer and screwdriver. She can make friends with anybody. Infants, toddlers, peers, elderly all delight in her company. She thinks I'm a pain. Angie is a wonderful friend, trying to find her place outside of her sister's shadow. She avoids eye contact with me when I have a temper tantrum. She knows that my tirades have nothing to do with her place as "beloved daughter" but if she accidentally makes eye contact, we both burst out laughing. They both check labels at the grocery store. Financially, we are a "work in progress", Spiritually we are dependent on our Creator. Jeni is the one who taught me the most of my Father's unconditional love. She taught me true love. She taught me grace and forgiveness. We broke each others heart, God healed us.

Last night at my support group, one of the newbies asked............"How do you know when to tell?" I'm telling now. "The germ" has a name. It is Hepatitis C. I have likely lived with this for almost thirty years. I was diagnosed ten years ago. I am not feeling well. Recently, I have noticed symptoms which may be an indicator that the virus is progressing. I need to write this......I need to not stew........I need to get it out. I have scheduled an appointment. I will have the biopsy. I choose to lay this in my Lord's most capable hands. I will sit in his lap and be held. I will write my will, again. I am not dying anymore than anyone else, we all should eat healthy, and live healthy lifestyles. If we are not alone, we should be responsible to those we leave behind.

Ten years ago......the doctor's knew very little about this virus. Initially their prognosis was bleak, even as they said "we really don't know". Eventually, my attitude became..........."if I live long enough, this will get me". It made me acutely aware that every day is a gift from God. There is no promise as I drop those beauties at school each morning, that we will all arrive safely home that evening. And yet, I remember daily............the worst case scenario is???? WHAT???? that I get to go home???? that I get to see the beautiful precious face of the one who died for me???? Paul's letter to the Philippians encourages me today.

I didn't choose this, but God has allowed it. I pray for His will in all things. I pray for His strength, for I am weak. I pray that He will continue to mature us in our relationship with Him. I pray that He will use me to further His kingdom. I pray that He will bless my children. I pray that I am a good mother. I pray for healing. I pray that my dad doesn't watch me get sick. Is the list too long?? I praise Him for He is God and He is holy. I thank Him for the joys that can be found even here. I thank Him for my group. Folks who come together to share life!

Tonight, when you get home......the folks ya find there.........give them a hug, even a kiss on the lips........and thank God! Tomorrow as you run out the door, pause for just a second to smile and say, "I love you". Even if it embarrasses them. (he he)

On Being Twenty-one...

I got flirted with today!!! ME!!!! A grandma!!!! 'kay...........so the guy was about 90.
That's the funny part of the story..........now here's the scary part:

I had walked to my polling place this morning, which happens to be an assisted living facility. After I voted (and I thank God that I can!) one of the apparent residents smiled at me and said, "aren't you too young to vote?" Well, I love a little flirtatious banter once in a while, as I turned to him and smiled he added, "you have to be twenty-one you know". This struck me a bit odd, and I playfully mentioned that "ya only hafta be 18" to which he replied in a frank tone of voice, "well, in some states you still have to be twenty-one".

I must admit, it is startling for me to realize that this one's vote counts as much as mine. I wonder how his driving is?

Please, remember to exercise your right and responsibility as an American. Vote.

What a Wonderful World.....

Yesterday, I came home from work with a to-do list a mile long. Jeni and Alana had spent the day at my house with "the aunts" and they were both napping when I came in. A few moments later, Alana started fussing. I quietly went over so as not to wake her momma, lay on the floor on my back and put her on my chest. As she calmed and fell back asleep, I had this pang......of all there was yet to do....then shushhhed myself with the thought, "THIS is the better thing for now. THIS is the important thing".

Then I just enjoyed the peace that comes with holding a new-born.

Thank you, Father. For this gift.

Another Cake Story

The aunts admiring Alana

It was about 11:00 am that they came in to wake me, "Mom, when can we go to the hospital?" "we're ready!". Honestly, I was hoping to sleep a bit longer, afterall I didnt get in until 6:00 am and even coaching a birth is draining. But the coffee was waiting and a cake had been baked.

Fifteen years ago another "birthday cake" was made as Jeni welcomed her baby sister and then again, when Angie was born. Now it was their turn to welcome her daughter, their neice.

At the hospital the security guard and the nurses came to see "the cake" and as explanations were provided, I realized that my girls had started their own family tradition.

I am surely blessed!

You're Never Gonna Believe This One....

I think I'm about speechless!

So I will simply praise Him for the gift of Alana Lynn.
And for the woman that my daughter is and is becoming.
Thank you, Father. Thank you.

SHE'S HERE!!!!!!!!!

"Grandma" and Alana

Alana Lynn

born October 22, 2006

4:21 am

She weighed 7 lbs 9 oz is healthy and beautiful and pink with brown hair. Just like her momma!

Funny kid, even came on her "due date"

Actually........

Friday would work better for me. Im liking this "grandma stuff" already.

Waiting on Alana

Any day now, I get the title of "Grandma"

Alana, anytime after Thursday 11:00am would be good for grandma.
Her mom will "kill" me when she sees this post. tee hee.

"I'm Telling Ya!......."

......it ain't easy being green.

I pray that His blessings, His love and compassion are yours today.

"Day By Day"

The guy ain't all that philosophical and he's certainly not "religious." And often "us kids" chuckle even as the words are spoken. It's become a mantra, a trademark of sorts quoted by our dad.

And with more and more frequency, we find ourselves repeating this gem. Having a rough day? "Day by day" with any "luck" the next one will be better. If not, then perhaps the next. There is always hope.

The funny thing is....................when I hear myself saying it, I cant help but smile and think of my father. Its as if he is with me as the words tumble out.

Of course, if a whole day just seems like too much............there's always "minute by minute". String enough of em together and you get a lifetime!

Too.......

The past two days, have been............well,
TOO!

I can't begin to formulate words to "paper" yet. But despite the crux, I can see my Lord at work. Opening doors and hearts beyond my expectations. Prayers spoken before the need was known. Resources made available before the problem realized. And peace and joy and a feeling of blessedness through the tears. I can trust him in this as well. I can trust his perfect will in all things. And I can offer a prayer of praise and thanks giving.

Remember this moment from today, (Dawn Marie):
the one who had such pain, who spoke her heart even when she knew it would break yours....................today she sought you out at work, she put herself on your lap, wrapped her arms around your neck with her cheek to yours and sang a song of love. Her joy was restored.

The blessing is in each moment.
Thank you, Father. Thank you, Jesus.

Reminder to Self

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.

That goes for my sis-tahs too.

Happy Birthday

Happy 70th birthday to my Dad!

Just a Thought

At the party someone who KNOWS me commented on my blogs.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm it was kind of weird......
Most of what I write is actually for my own benefit. "Remembrances" if you will. I understand that in theory the entire world has access to this journal, and for that reason there are certain things that I don't divulge. For example, you'll never see the words "stubborn ole polack" in one of my blogs! But in reality, I'm pretty certain that about two people actually read these anecdotes and praises.

I'm sure that this new information will not effect the matter or manner in which I write, just a thing...........that one who knows my cranky side is reading this too.

OH!!! Did I mention that I have the most wonderful (step)MOM in the entire world? (parenthetically, cause family is family, no matter how they got stuck with us!!! lol)

You Are Invited To Eavesdrop Again

I'm still "getting over" a weekend like few we get to share. Family and friends celebrating together. Well, that part is not all that unusual for our family, but this weekend was even more special. A surprise party to celebrate Dad. Family and friends came from near and far to honor one. To share stories and tears and love. To say, "thanks!". To say, "I'm glad I got you".

The party was wonderful. And yet, one of my favorite moments was behind closed doors........

After arriving at the hotel and greeting brother and sisters and their families, after hugs for a "favorite" aunt and uncle, we all got to work.........setting up, and preparing the banquet room. Then we had just enough time for a quick bite to eat and change before the guests would arrive for the party. I ran out for fast food and brought it back to the suite for my girls.

As we munched on our meal the conversation turned to the news of the day, the latest allegations relating to a certain Florida Congressman. The specific legal and ethical issues were opined by my young ladies, but I also heard phrases and discourse relating to "gerrymandering" and "constitutional law" as the table banter broadened. Even as the conversation was occurring, I realized what an honor it is.........to see young ladies who care, who are knowledgeable and who can express an opinion that is their own. Later, as I watched the other mom's with their adorable little ones..........I remembered those cherished times but with the assurance that THESE are the best moments as well.

And more are yet to come.

P.S. I love you, Dad! Happy 70th birthday!!

Speaking of Politics........

it was a strange day in our neighborhood!

Girl Talk.......

There are way too many days in my home when dinner is a bowl of cereal or a peanut butter and banana or peanut butter and "fluff" sandwich.

A typical day of driving the kids to school, work, picking up one or both from school, then off to Tae Kwon Do or bible study or errands and too much homework as well. Some days we just don't have the time to prepare a meal and clean up after. Others days we are just too darn exhausted. But when we do...............it's such a joy! The chatting and relaxing in each others company is always precious and always fun! And the conversations are nothing short of fabulous!

Take last night, for example.........

As we were enjoying our potato latkes (sour cream or applesauce??? Angie says "both!!") Somehow the conversation got to the point where I heard my fifteen year old say to her younger sister............"You DO KNOW that mom used to smoke weed?". My eleven year old looked at her in disbelief, then to me. I calmly confessed to my girl that yes, indeed her mom had smoked marijuana.............a very, very long time ago. And that if I knew then what I know now, that I hoped I would make better choices. "Mom were you one of those hippies"? She asked in disbelief or horror.

Her sister, sensing an opportunity joked, "We'll she's had sex too, you know!" This time however, the kid sister very matter of factly confronted the revelation with "of course" "how do you think we got here?" (Afterall as a family we have discussed THESE issues on many occasions).
Then I quietly added, "with your dad."
A stunned silence.
It felt as though the world had stopped. Each one of us was evaluating the response of the others. Then it happened............an explosion of laughter from all three of us at the same time. One of those gut wrenching, screaming laughs where the more you try to stop the more it comes...........

Today, I am remembering............with a smile on my face and in my heart. I am so grateful for these little moments.

Thank you, Father

One Legacy

SO.........this morning as I was driving home from church services..........I was in one of those "tangential, free-flowing cognitive states" (lol).

And I got to thinking about how fun and how interesting it will be to have the role of "grandma". Our Alana will be here in less than a month. Friends have laughed with me and shared their -ologies on grandparenting. This morning I realized that the greatest legacy that I wish to leave for my grands............is JESUS and the JOY of relationship with God through Jesus. (Now I certainly don't want to be known as the "religious" grandma and I don't want any part of our faith to be viewed as "boring".)

Then I wonder..............is this the legacy that I leave my own? When they were toddlers we prayed together frequently.............now that they are older, it seems more "hit or miss". Our faith is much more about "walking it out" these days. it's more blood and guts and less the cute and innocent.

Then my thoughts actually turned to inheritance, (remember, I'm driving in the truck.) I realize that my daughters aren't likely to be arguing over "things" such as jewelry and other assets CAUSE THERE JUST AINT NONE!!!!!

There is the tiny porcelain "baby Jesus" and the porcelain manger that accompanies him (both broken and superglued on numerous occasions) pieces in a gift from my "favorite aunt" many years ago. That will be their inheritance. Every year as they celebrate the birth of the Christ with their family, one of their babies will excitedly check their stocking to see if have been given the honor of placing "baby Jesus" in the manger. And each year, when they arrive for Christmas dinner one will bring the chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and red and green decorations with "Happy Birthday, Jesus" scrawled from a child's heart. Our family traditions, our special "secrets" (SHINE!) that is what they will take from me, and that is what they will pass on to theirs. And my prayer.........is that Jennifer, Jhinel and Angela will know His unconditional love, His grace and peace and mercy which transcend this world. My prayer is that they will walk with Jesus who is God.

P.S. "Angie", when your own baby girl comes to you and says:

"Momma, Easter is about Jesus dying on the cross and raising to life again, right?"

and you reply in the affirmative only to have her come back with,

"Then how did the easter bunny get in there?"

Well, I just hope you have a better answer than I did!

I wish???

Somedays I wish I were perfect.

Meaning really that I wish my faith came much easier. It seems such a challenge at times.

Then I remember what we did to the ONE who actually was.

Thank you, Father.
Thank you that you are God and I am not. Thank you for your grace and mercy which are so abundant. Thank you for suffering death to conquer my sin. Thank you for the victory that is found in you alone. Help me to shine as a light in this world, though not me, but Christ who is in me, according to your will and purpose, Lord.

Psalm 23

Tonight...........
A phone call which woke me up.
An abrupt ending.
At first Im glad for the opportunity to write, it's been awhile. But I sit here and stare.
It's too late to call a friend................
There is a restlessness in my spirit.
It becomes frustration.

Tonight..............
I will choose to turn to Him. Holy one. Father. Creator. Omnicient. Omnipresent. Savior.
I wonder ......... those who dont know God through Jesus, where is their comfort to be found? How can JOY ever be? I am reminded of a time ...in a women's bible study class....Psalms 23. So often, I have found comfort in that particular scripture:

The Lord is my Shepherd

I shall not want

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures,

He leadeth me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil;

for Thou art with me;

thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

Thou annointest my head with oil;

My cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

All the days of my life;

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord

Forever.

On that particular day, the lesson was to reflect on the inverse of the scripture:

" I have no shepherd.

I am in want.

I wander aimlessly, vulnerable to my enemies.

I am afraid. I am alone.

My cup is empty.

Sorrow and shame go before me.

I will dwell apart from God forever".

The message was powerful. I choose God. Thank you, Father for loving me.

Thanks Ernie

What an amazing and beautiful day it turned out to be.

After frenzied days on Monday and Tuesday, preparing and waiting for "Hurricane Ernesto", prayers were answered and the event turned out to be no more than a stormy day (though I did lose electricity briefly a couple of times).

The past couple of years have taught us hearty Floridians to expect the worst and to expect the unexpected when it comes to tropical storms. Ironically, an event honoring the workers and survivors of last years storms that was scheduled for yesterday had to be cancelled.

So, stocked up and hunkered down we were grateful to watch this storm subside and in it's place a rainy day with nowhere to go and no schedules to keep. A day to sleep in. A day to watch Aaron Neville singing with Ernie (the muppet not the storm) on Sesame Street in the company of two beauties who are much too "old" for such things. We went for an impromptu visit with "grandpa". And just basically enjoyed the day, enjoyed our family.

Throughout this day, I found myself reflecting on "the little things" that make my life so rich. Friendship. Family. A job that I love. God's perfect provision. Next week will be all too busy again. But this day was absolutely perfect.

Father God, I love you. I adore you. I praise your Holy Name.
Father God, I thank you for all that you are; for all that you have given to me. For the gift of Jennifer, Jhinel and Angela. Help me to teach them of your love. Through my words and my works, help me to be an example to them. Abba Father, thank You for your perfect love and your perfect provision for us and for me. Thank you, that you don't always give me what I ask for, but you give me exactly what I need. Thank you for this day of reflection and joy and gratitude. Thank you for one more day with my Dad. Lord, in all things I pray that your will be done. Father grow me in faith, teach me to walk with you daily. Lord, may all I do be to your glory alone. Most of all, Lord, thank you for the gift of Salvation which allows me to come to you. In Jesus precious name I pray, AMEN.

Blogging Delinquent!!!!!!!!!

I'm the delinquent blogger!!! Even my friend, Tasha, has been more consistent in her entries lately than I have. lol! NOT that i dont have several ideas in "draft" form, of course.

So much going on in our lives and so very much to be grateful for. We are settling into our new home; got the girls off to their mission trip, bible camp and swimming lessons; had a wonderful, beautiful birthday celebration with my favorite daughter (They're all my favorite. lol.); got em registered and shopped and shoed and off to their new schools; getting ready for my grand-daughter's arrival!! (and another "secret" project in the works!)

God has provided for me a wonderful bible study group on Monday evenings.

I could have just ended that last sentence with "God has provided!"

He is so faithful.

I am humbled when I think on his greatness and his work in our lives.

Father..................this day I offer to you, all of me. Help me Lord, to be faithful to you. Use me according to your purposes, teach me to be salt and light. Thank you Lord, for all that you are. Thank you Father, for loving me. Thank you Lord, for the gift of salvation.

In Jesus Name.......

I Come Once Again to Offer Praise

Papa,

Thank you for this day. Thank you for the precious gift of family and fellowship that you have blessed me with. Lord...........your love is never-ending and yet it is fresh each day. This day..........you have given all that I need. I thank you. I praise you.

In Jesus name! Amen!

Ditto on the Last One.......

Father God,

"Just for today..."
I pray this prayer once again
and again
and again ................

(Lord, give me the heart to pray this prayer daily.)

Just for Today...

Lord,

Just for today, I pray that your Holy Spirit will lead my path. May I see each one that I encounter today through your eyes, as precious and special and unique and loved. Lord, help me to not get caught up in the things of this world but use me to build your kingdom. Father God, just for today help me to seek your will in my life and pray that for those around me. Help me to listen, Lord, for your voice. Abba Father, today my heart is to walk with you. I love you. I praise you. I worship you, oh Holy one.

Love,

your daughter

Papa.......

Abba Father.........

just a moment to thank You. to offer praise to You.
for You alone are Holy. You are worthy of all praise, all glory, all honor.

A Promise

For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

This scripture has accompanied me for the past two years. It has provided comfort in the midst of chaos. It has given peace when fear has threatened. It is a promise by THE ONE who is faithful. At a time when trust was broken, and promises shattered...........the one who IS LOVE whispered ever so gently.

But why did Jeremiah speak these words over 2000 years ago? And how is it that they can speak to me TODAY?

God was speaking these words through the prophet to the nation of Judah at a time in which chaos, idolatry and the abomination of sin prevailed. God's chosen people had succumbed to the world, they had turned their hearts away from God. Jeremiah suffered greatly for his Lord, warning and prophesying to God's chosen people to turn back to their Father or face very dire consequences. They refused to hear and were taken into captivity by their enemies. And yet, over and over again, Jeremiah shared the good news of God's mercy and grace and compassion. Promises of restoration. Promises of forgiveness. Promises of mercy. Promises of reconciliation.

Jerusalem would fall. And the promises would come to fulfillment in a new covenant. The death and resurrection of our Savior.

How great is our God! Whose mercy and grace endure. How great is our God! Who is faithful even unto death.

The personal trials which I have encountered seem almost trivial compared to that described in Jeremiah. And yet.......I must ask of myself the obvious...have there been false idols in my life? Relationships or other things more important than my walk with the Lord? Where is the sin in my life? Search me, oh God....and lead me in the way everlasting.

My Father has promised me hope and a future. I have found it in my Jesus. Our Father has offered to you this same promise.

Don't Miss It!!!!

It seems that my motto these days is: "I'd rather give birth than move".

It feels like a never-ending project. I'm sore, I'm bruised, I'm just to the point of utter exhaustion. And yet, when it feels like I'm to my breaking point. I receive exactly what I need to keep going. Friday, I stopped by the office early on the way to a conference that I was just not in the mood for. As Friday's are typically casual days at the office, my boss commented on my attire (heels and slacks as opposed to shorts or jeans with flip-flops).......when I reminded her that I was enroute to a conference because she had insisted that "someone" had to attend. Her reply was, "you can stay here". What a blessing that simple command was to me at that particular moment. Later, a call from an insurance company with good news(?)

Last Saturday, my "favorite" daughter and I were moving furniture into the new apartment. With the hand truck, we were pretty certain that the two of us could manage the stairs with that huge armoire. At the first landing we found ourselves stuck. I was too exhausted to cry or scream and IT was too heavy to throw over the rail (lol). "Dad, please help me" I said in my heart as I conceded defeat. Just when I thought it was hopeless.....a man on a bicycle rode down our dead-end street.......later, my all too pragmatic girl......asked, "do you think that was an angel?"

The unique,hand-thrown communion cup and plate have graced my kitchen counter for a week, just waiting for a friend or neighbor to say "that's pretty" or "I like that". I would have sent it home with that person. Today, it was still on the counter as I'm finishing up the packing. On the counter was also "the perfect box" for it to be containered (the OTC's hadnt fit.) "I guess that means it's supposed to go with me" I thought. As I closed it into the box........I noticed some black-sharpie handwriting on the flap: "Almost There!" is on the outter flap. "Keep going" it said inside. "Thank you, Dad".
I cried.

The point is this...........If you think that God doesn't talk to you. If you think that he isnt working in your life...............well, my experience is that, more than likely we are just not paying attention. You don't have to be dealing with something "big" to hear him, either. Just look into the face of another one of his kids, sit on the beach, or watch a sunset! We are surrounded by the evidence of His presence. We are encompassed in His love. And YES!!! He wants to talk to you!

For Chuck and Dorothy

Tangential: 1: of, relating to, or of the nature of a tangent 2: acting along or lying in a tangent 3: DIVERGENT, DIGRESSIVE

(Websters Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary)

LOL

Thank you

This post is a "thank you" and a tribute to my church family at FUMCHS.

Dear friends and family of FUMCHS,

GOD has provided such an amazingly wonderful opportunity for myself and my girls. And yet it is with very mixed emotion that we move on. We move on with the knowledge and faith that He is in charge and that He is fulfilling His purpose in us and through us......and yet we also leave with sadness.

Five years ago, our family moved to this community. Shortly after arriving we were blessed to join our brothers and sisters at FUMCHS. YOU have been such a vital part of our life. YOU have been "heart and hands" of JESUS to our family.

I have watched my little girls as they grow into young women of faith, and YOU have played a part in that in many, many ways.

YOU have walked beside our family in dealing with the pain of addiction, YOU have been on suicide watch with me.

YOU have given us prayer and support through a divorce and held me when my sister died.

YOU cared for us when my elbow "got broke."

In the middle of the night, when the house flooded ........YOU just showed up and got to work.......WE can laugh at that one now, right?

When I took the new "commuter job" and my truck broke down just a few days later, well that was "just another miracle" which YOU participated in.

YOU have taught my girls how to knit and how to serve. YOU have sent them to camp. YOU attended their awards banquet when I had to work. YOU hemmed the gown and delivered it to school on the day of the performance. YOU provided "taxi service". YOU stood with them as they made their confirmation. On the night that I told them we were leaving, YOU came and sat and offered comfort. YOU have prayed for them and with them. YOU have prayed for me.

Most of all, YOU have loved us and shown us the love that GOD calls us to. So, although it is with sadness that we leave, it is a sadness mixed with joy that comes from having loved and having been loved. I will cherish these memories always.

When I reflect over these last several years, I am blessed to see where the Lord has brought this church family. The fruit of your faith becomes more and more obvious each day. And He's here, you know.......the HOLY SPIRIT inhabits your praise!!


Please remember us in your prayers as we will YOU.

Letting Go Again

Dear Fan (lol......you know who you are!),

It's been awhile........no, i didnt skip town, though I will be soon. Just been busy being busy.

This moving thing is such a burden to me..........probably my personal #1worst thing to do. (I'd much rather give birth than move!) Okay, I'm not much into the eating bugs and slimey things either.

Interestingly, our family is downsizing, CONSIDERABLY! From a spacious home to a much, much smaller apartment. About half the size. And yet, Im pleased with that aspect! I see it as a reflection of our changing lifestyle.......from a married, stay at home mom, to a single-mom-full-time-working-woman. Many of the "things" that used to bring pleasure, now seem a burden. Efficiency and utilitarian are what I crave. "Simple". But the challenge is choosing what is left behind and what is kept. How did so much "stuff" come to share my home? Some choices are simple, others not so. I find myself continuously scanning each room, "what else can be eliminated?" Furniture is easy to decide...what will fit and what do I "need"? "Collectibles" are much more difficult: I don't need the fairy candleholder, but it was a gift from my dear little neice and her mom. The Kim Anderson prints will leave our family but the paper mache cow sculpture created by my beautiful daughter will come with us. The china cabinet and the crystal will no longer be a part of our lives but the photograph of Alan Jackson will. Isn't it odd, the things that I choose? Someone else would take the exact same contents and end up with very different results. Funny creatures we are sometimes.

Oh! for the record: I AM taking the kids!

Dear Lord, I Believe. Help Me In My Unbelief!

lol..................i know that i shoulda known.

My last posting was on Tuesday.

Wednesday, I took the day off from work to go apartment hunting, which ended up in frustration and discouragement.

Thursday, a written notice was presented to move by June 4th.
Thursday I was blessed with a phenomenal opportunity...........far bigger than I had even imagined. Our family will begin this new "excellent adventure" on Saturday.

The details would astound you! Suffice to say: God is capable of so much more than we can imagine!

Father, forgive me for putting limits on you and for worrying. Father, thank you again for being our more than perfect provider. Father, I praise you. I bless you.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWW

This morning my prayer was to trust my Father. And I squirmed as I said it.

"Stuff" has come up again.

The owner of my "home" has sold the house and our little family will be homeless in just a matter of days.....the very distressing part for me is that rentals have risen exponentially in the community that I live in. Where will we go?? How can I afford????......gas to commute to work? rent? Sometimes it seems too much for me. It is too much for me.

And yet............Creator of the universe is my Dad! The one who spoke the world into being!!! He knows our family's every need.
And STILL I wonder "what if......"
I start to feel anxious, worried. I feel like crying. I feel like running away. I feel like giving up. "Haven't I just had enough, Lord?" I hesitate to "blog" these thoughts. I wish that I didnt think or feel this way. I know others who have suffered so much more. I reflect, how often I seem to get "tripped up" by my emotions, by "feelings". God is the same whether I am happy or sad and I can count on His grace and His mercy. He loves me. He loves me. So, my prayer is to trust Him "no matter what!" My prayer is to grow in faith. My prayer is to be light and salt. My prayer is to have gratitude!!!

I think on how my Jesus must have "felt" when he was brutalized and murdered on my account. Who am I to complain? If He never, ever did anything else, the cross was enough to show his love for me.

Father, help me to have a grateful heart, no matter what.

What a Cool Gang!!

Sunday was my birthday and I'm not publicly declaring which!!!
Quite frankly, if my kids didnt make such an event of it, I would probably just ignore my birthday (which means that i dont have to get any older, right?!)

So.....Im strolling into the 9:30a.m. service. Okay!!! I was running "almost late" and I wasn't strolling at all. I notice a bunch of the "eight o'clockers" standing in front of the sanctuary, engaging in informal "fellowship"......they're almost in my way, sheesh!!!

As I approach, I hear someone whisper (Chuck?), "okay, now"..........and they burst into the birthday song! What a fine family God has blessed me with.

Thank you, Father.

p.s. my marlins lost to colorado, but it was the most perfect day to spend at the game!

The Exuberance of Youth, part 2

The funny thing is this..............

Yesterday, as I wrote...............I ended up in a very different place that what I anticipated........"Dad" does that sometimes.

Last night, again I had the opportunity to witness some young people with purpose. This time it was a theatre group from NYC. Seventeen to twenty-one year olds, sharing a message through their craft. Their passion and talent were inspiring.

So often, in our news we see kids in trouble. We must remember that those young people are just one little piece of a much larger and grander whole. Our kids have heart, passion and a message to share which we often overlook. I believe that we are called to nurture this.

I look at my own...........so often, given the opportunity, they have stepped up to the plate (even without me). Their compassion and their attitude of service are an inspiration and an encouragement to me: making donations of their beautiful hair to help provide hair prosthesis for other children; fasting and raising monies for international hunger programs; donating shoes "that i just wore once" to another child who lost home and possessions in hurricanes; baking cookies for disaster workers; distributing food and water door-to-door; repairing homes for families in need; walking for cancer awareness; working at a soup kitchen.

Recently I took a second job, working weekends. My ten year old took on a job at our church's soup kitchen. For me, it was adult supervision while I was at work. For her, it was so much more. She would be out the door between 7am and 8am and be finished at 6 or 6:30pm (with an afternoon break of course) I heard over and over what a hard worker she was, preparing and serving meals and what a joy she was in her "work". In each instance, not only have these "children" acted as heart and hands of our Savior. But they have been changed and grown through these experiences as well.

The Word says that we are to "raise up a child in the way that he should go..." And while I do believe that calls us to set a Godly example and to administer appropriate discipline, I believe that it means so much more than that. To me, it means that God has given each of us a unique personality, gifts and passions and that we all have a special purpose. As a parent it is my responsibility to recognize the special attributes in each child and nurture and encourage that (despite the rolling eye syndrome of the teen!)

Jesus said that we are to come to him with the faith of a child. I pray that today we each experience a moment of unadulterated joy, a hint of that anticipation that knows no boundaries and gratitude that we can know him as Savior and friend. And I pray that each of us will share the blessing of service which he call us to..........regardless of our age or youth.

LOL. I Knew That I Didn't Have Time for This!!!

Dear Reader or Fan,

Thank you for your patience. lol.

Last evening I had a wonderful opportunity to attend an awards function at a local Christian University. Our company is partnering with one of the student programs, local businesses and governments to provide a home for a family. As I watched these young people and their excitement over the accomplishments they had achieved this past year, a myriad of thoughts and emotions came flooding.

Remember when we were so full of anticipation and excitement and joy??? Remember when the world seemed new and fresh? It was just waiting for me. It's hard not to get jaded, discouraged, frustrated. The world creeps in on us, bills and schedules and disappointments. Divorce and death. I know some that think that we, as Christians are immune to the sadness of this world. Scripture tells us that we are overcomers in Christ and some seem to believe and teach that "cheerful" is a designation of our faith. Think about it ....... how often have you pasted on that smile at church and said "fine" when your insides were screaming......"Im am so NOT FINE............my life is a mess, I'm angry, I'm depressed!!!" In fact..........scripture also says that because of our faith we will suffer. As our souls long for "home" we will be impatient and frustrated by this world which we encounter.

Each day, as I trudge through............my work schedule, the commute, dealing with teenagers, financial burdens, tires, brakes and the hundreds of other barbs that come flying at me...........I pray. I pray that God will use me despite my failures. That His light will shine through this flesh even briefly. And that He will be glorified despite me. And when I come to Him, there is where I find contentment and peace. When I step into His waiting arms, when I bow at His knee, when I humble myself at The cross........this is where I find joy. One day that will be eternal. Thank you, Father. Thank you, Jesus!

Go in peace..........The world is waiting for HIM!!!

Well...........here goes!!!!!!!!!

Well, my friend Mike has finally convinced me to "blog"
(hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm)
Initially, my reaction was.........."blog" o! my! (it does sound like something a bit on the edge now, ya gotta admit!) But after reading his sometimes funny, sometimes sad, often wise and always entertaining entries..........I became intrigued and so, here i go!!!!

If you are looking for philosophical you'll be disappointed. If you're looking for grammatical correct-ness (a distant cousin of political????) this ain't it either! (I am a strong advocate for writing in vernacular!--e.g., Eudora, Katherine, Marjorie--dontcha just want to live at the post office?? lol!) In fact, I suspect that the only ones who will really be interested in my ramblings are likely to be my children. At that they will probably be searching out "interesting tidbits" to use on their mom. lol. Others have much more dramatic life experiences with much more interesting stories to tell but mine is, well, unique in that it is mine. And special in that it is a testimony of our Lord's grace and forgiveness and love!

O! yeah! I'm a Christian! And soon to be a grandmom!