Great News!

Day 1 of trial my viral load was 1,290,000
As of week 4, viral load is 80,700.

I'm believing that we will clear this virus. and stay clear.
Praise the Lord!

My Girl

Alana is crawling "all over the place" and standing in her crib. (hehe- if only her parents had a clue as to how this changes their world.)

Reconsidering the Nursing Home Theory

For a summer in high school, I worked as an aide at a nursing home.

I've since thought that once I lost control of "a certain bodily function" (a HEM) they'd have to put me in one of those places.

I have recently changed my mind on that particular detail.
However, I do find myself intentionally cognizant of scheduling near bathroom facilities these days.

Typical Days (It Could be Another Ravioli Day)

Tuesday:

1. leave the house at 8am
2. drop nel off at school (this one is bossy in the morning)
3. drop gwenita off at school (she is sooo "not a morning person")
4. arrive to work 9ish
5. prepare for meeting
6. leave work at 5 to go to track meet at middle school
7. pick up high schooler at 7pm (she got out of band practice at 5pm)
8. drive through for dinner
9. back to the office 8-10pm

Today:

• repeat steps 1 through 4
• leave work 5ish to pick up AVKD from track practice
• pick up nel from HS 6ish (she got out of school at 4pm)
• quick snack for dinner
• back to HS for 7pm meeting
• back to office 8-10pm

I don't miss the the daycare and diapers days, but teens take just as much energy as babies, just in different ways.

Any volunteers to take the teens shopping this weekend? (lol). They both need new "formal wear". A dress for awards ceremonies and performance attire for Universal Studios next week.

One of the reasons that I know I'm His favorite is because He blessed me with the bestest kids and the most beautiful and precious granddaughter in the whole world.

Thank you, Father!

A 10 day?!!!!

Yesterday was my best day yet, even for most of the day.

As I was thinking on it this morning, evaluating, I decided it was a "10 day" since starting my medication.

Which is a "5" prior to the drugs, but when I was feeling poorly.

Which is prolly a "3" day from what I remember of "normal" life.

It encouraged me..........I can look forward to more days like this! Even more!!!

Praise Him in ALL things.

To Quote My Dad........

I actually got my floor washed and waxed last Saturday and got a couple of loads of laundry done. Then I spent the rest of the weekend in bed. sigh. had a tooth pulled last week and have been in a lot of pain from that. I need a bridge now and two crowns, but only one cavity I also had a coloscopy and we have scheduled a cone biopsy (MAY 11th).

I started my protease inhibitor a week ago Friday. Very kewl news regarding that............ of those who started protease inhibitor at the beginning of the trial (5wks ago) several have cleared the virus already! THIS gives us hope.I am very tired ALL the time. I'm pretty depressed too. On Wednesday, I was so sick that I stayed home from work. My triglycerides are up 300 points, so they called in a new prescription for me. (It's a common side effect.) My response to Vi was "I'm already taking 20 pills a day.........what's a few more?" "Pretty weird when ya look to the Friday night INJECTION to break up the monotony" hehe.

The girls are hanging in there. It's tough on them too, especially since I pretty much hit the couch or bed when I get home. We have an appointment with a therapist. Last night they had CANNED ravioli for dinner.........I feel like such a bad mom. Jeni took Nel grocery shopping the other day. That was such a blessing! I did find a pill container that's big enough, so now I can put out a week's worth and know if I remembered my meds. Just keeping track is a job! Interestingly, I do have some very FINE moments and good days, I just dont know when they're gonna show up. lol. Angela had her first track meet on Thursday and sang a beautiful solo at an event for her after-school program. From jeans to track clothes to high heels, changing clothes and "hats" along the way. lol.

I am now working one week five eight hour shifts and the alternate week, four 10-hr shifts. Work is very busy. My friday off is also my clinic, so I try to schedule as many doctor, etc appointments on those days. 5 weeks down 23 to go. I'm relearning the concept of "Day by Day" on a very different level these days.

This Day...

"We ask a loving God to comfort those who are suffering today"

Ouchie!

My dentist appointment this morning didnt go anything like we planned or hoped........

Course it doesnt hurt till after you leave the office.

Ouch!

Easter Monday

Well, no chills or muscle aches this past weekend! yay!
Slight fever. And today the "d" word. I managed to get our family to church and to "grandma's house" yesterday (where I took a nap).
Alana and Jeni spent Saturday night and Easter Sunday with us. Alana was having a very loud and joyful time in church, laughing and talking and flirting with the elder couple sitting behind us.

Holly is a "baby hog" too.
Alana's first tooth.
Angie is officially taller than Debbie T (in bare feet)

I feel like I could just sleep for the next 24 weeks. I know I'm not spozed to, but I feel like I could.

My house is a mess. My kids are eating a lot of cereal and frozen pizza for dinner these days. Nel says that we haven't been grocery shopping in three weeks, but she's exaggerating. The "easter bunny" showed up at our house without my doing and nel and "gwenita" were "spoiled rotten". Thank you. So, I guess it's hard boiled eggs and chocolate for dinner tonight. with juicy pear jelly belly's for desert?

Praise him in ALL things! :-)

God Incidences

I don't believe in coincidences. I don't believe in "planets aligning to effect human behaviors".
At our house, we call the strange phenomenae that seem to occur randomly "Godincidences".
I wonder sometimes, often I don't understand. I trust God.

This past week, a photo of Amy elicited a pondering. It's been almost two years since she left us. Two whole years, our lives have gone on but there is still a hole, as long as we live, we will miss her. Some of the tears have subsided and been replace with gentle smiles of reminiscience, but it will never be the same.

On Tuesday, I received a phone call from Steve. At first I didnt recognize his voice. Then as he relayed his journey since our last contact two years ago, I was glad and grateful. I have prayed for him daily. There have been times when I have felt that he was in trouble. There are times that I have known that he was dying. I prayed again, asking God to send someone. Asking for a miracle. The Lord has given him another chance at life, at recovery.

Yesterday a young man came to me, one like a brother had died suddenly on Monday. I listened, we cried. I told him that I was sorry for his loss. I told him that I can't offer an explanation or insight. Sometimes, life just doesn't make sense. I told him that people who care will say really stupid things. I asked him to forgive them. I told him that the crying is healthy, that someday he will cry less, I told him that his life will never be the same. The loss of one who is special, never ever goes away. With time it will change, but there is always a place in our heart "just for him".
I think that's part of loving.

Please pray for M. Pray for Steve. Pray for Holly. Pray for Nancy.

Practice for Menopause?

About a million times a day my physical and emotional mood changes. I can be happy one moment and crying "for no reason" five minutes later. I can be energetic and smiling and just a short while later, craving a nap. Getting out of bed each day is a chore. It must be really tough to be my kid or my friend these days and see the erratic moods. Of course I try to hide the "ugly" part of this. I was just in the break room conversing with a co-worker with tears running down my face. I explained it is my medicine. That seemed sufficient.

I'm so uncomfortable with the fatigue and the crying.
And yet, I find myself really celebrating the happy moments, truly cherishing even the smallest details. And laughing when I can. I have so very much to be grateful for.

Thursday

I just dont know if I can bring myself to drink 100 oz of water today.

Alana Lynn

Are "We" Having Fun Yet?

I'm not going to be so graphic as to stipulate the specifics of WHY I've spent most of my day in the restroom.
I did call the 800# to talk to a nurse. She said the symptoms are "common side effects". She re-iterated the importance of drinking lots of water and eating protein rich foods. The irony is that my appetite is about gone. But if I don't eat well, she said that it will only compound the fatigue.

What an adventure this is!
(so my tooth hurts and my butt hurts!)

Living at the MD...........

Last week was such an easy week. I only went to the doctor's or had procedures ONCE!
Two this week: emergency dentist and a second, specialized mammogram.
Three next week: dentist, gastroenterologist and colposcopy.
and so far, only one the following week.
(This has been going on since December)

I'm thinking of running away from home again! hehe

Spring Break!!

About now, my girls should be arriving at "Blizzard Beach" with their youth group. Saturday, Nel spent a couple of hours at the beach with some friends. Saturday evening both spent the night at their cousins. On Sunday a 17th birthday party at the lake with all of their family. Climbing trees and riding jet-skis, eating hotdogs and cake getting sunburned even with sunscreen on.

One of my greatest blessings these days is seeing them doing "normal kid stuff", forgetting the things at home for a bit.

Do hotdogs on a grill constitute "home cooked meal"?
Thanks, dad!!! :-)

Surprised Again

Yesterday was a pretty cool day. Well, most of the day.

Again, feeling like I'm moving in slow motion. Nonetheless, I got Jhinel to the beach and back - beach clean-up. Gas in the truck. Girls down to Tom's. Stopped at the auto parts store and got an air filter. installed it. Home Depot for keys and light bulbs. The bank, car wash and grocery store. I got home around 7:30, fixed myself a quick bite, took my pills and rested. I was pretty tired.

Parked in front of the TV. and got sick. sheeshhhhhhh. fever, chills and achy, by the time I called John, I was crying and whiney.

Today, I don't want to move. I have a family gathering at 2:00. I will bring my chair and umbrella and a book, find a tree to sit under, I hope.

work tomorrow. 25 injections remain.