Autumn Weather

photo shared by Marion

taken 10/30/07

Looking Back

I find that I don't spend so much time on the computer anymore. Now that I'm feeling better, I don't need to interact with my "friends" through the screen.

Thus, I'm blogging less frequently. Activities are much more "normal". Family and work fill my schedule. And I rest alot when I do get home. (I still don't cook!) At 10pm I prefer to be on the phone with John, reading scripture, devotions and sharing details of our day.

Today, though I took a few moments to re-read this journal. It was a reminder of where we have been, the trials that God has brought our family through.

I am filled with gratitude, for the healing.
I am filled with more gratitude and awe at the faithfulness of our God. At his truth and perfect love.

I am reminded again, that the trials that we encounter along this journey are simply opportunities. Opportunities to see the true nature of God. Opportunities to grow in our faith. There will be more. I can lean into his arms and trust him in all things.

Father, may your will be done in my life this day. Use me according to your kingdom purpose!
Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Proof!!!

"my nel"

The bumper sticker says something like this..........

"Insanity is inherited. You get it from your kids!"

(but i already knew that just look at my mom! hehe!!)

August 30, 2007

We'll the fourteen hour days have begun again and I haven't even returned back to work full-time yet!!

Sometimes I still find myself starting to "whine" - the whole working single parent with brilliant, beautiful and BUSY teenaged kids...........
This morning I started to have one of those moments............then caught myself and thought, "I'm blessed for two"!!!!

Unofficial Grey T-shirt Day

It was the night before the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL and a 16yr young daughter remarked rather loudly (so's her 12yr old sis could easily hear), "Mom, I just wanna tell you what I'm wearing to school tomorrow so you can tell A.........."

The twelve year old 7th grader jumped in, "Mom, I'm wearing my pink polo shirt with jeans!!"
Her comment was met with an almost blood curdling scream or something resembling one.........."NO!!! I'm wearing MY pink polo shirt with jeans.....SHE CAN'T"

I laugh again............these drama queen moments of little or no significance, just a thang between sisters.

Today, we're at the bank (yes our bank is open on Sunday)
The young man behind the desk commented, "Is it grey T-shirt day?" we looked at one another, surprise and shock.........ALL THREE OF US had put on grey T-shirts!!!!! We each feigned embarrassment then went on our way.

In the check-out line at the grocery store a bit later, the man behind us in line asked if there were a special occasion for the grey T-shirts...........................

We really do have fun together!

"Moms"

Quick Post

I'm back to work part-time and moving and the girls are back to school and my computer isn't hooked up at the new apartment yet. I'll be back with more postings SOON -- well, even then it will have to wait until after the state affordable housing conference in Orlando!

keep praying!!!

"Reading Time"

Alana Lynn

photo courtesy of Jhinel E.

Dawn's Diet Tips

1. Medication that makes you sick for 10 weeks
(consisting of at least 20 pills per day and one injection each week, self administered of course!)

2. Two surgeries – one outpatient, one major – including removal of organs

3. Six days in the hospital

4. Taxi service for two teenagers
(the best teenagers in the universe!!!)

5. A haircut

6. LOTS of water

7. NOT eating the “goodies” in the office kitchen
Don't even BUY them for home!

8. One large or two small bites of very dark, organic,
free-trade chocolate daily - quells the desire to eat a whole cake and has anti-oxidant properties as well!
"HEALTH FOOD!!!! YAY!!!!!"

9. Breast reduction surgery????????
(no, i didn't but its gotta be worth a pound or two!!!)

GUARANTEED results if you follow above guidelines
NOTE: NO EXERCISE IS REQUIRED!!

Love ya! hehe

Staples

Apparently my surgeon agrees with this sentiment!

Doing some healing
Be back soon!

Praise God!

God willing in ten days I will be cancer free!

(AND on morphine!)

(can i get an "amen"????!!!)

A Cheater???!!! Moi?????

I was accused of being a "cheater" the other day in our office weight loss contest - "Biggest Loser"
Between the interferon, and the liquid diet imposed by the painful tooth and now, surgery...

I laughed as I replied, "if my primary motivation in all this was to lose weight, I'd have gone for the radiation/chemo option" (On the other hand, if I win a free lunch on the others and my recent medical issues are part of the equation.........................hehe!!!!)

Smiley Girl!!!

I slept the entire night last night!!! Praise God!!

I had a root canal today!!! Praise the Lord!!!
(I'm really looking forward to eating!!)

Then yesterday, two seperate comments stating that I "looked like" a lawyer and that I "looked like" I was married??!!!!
(I'm not either) (lol)
When I inquired as to what the latter meant, the response was, "Well, you look happy."
HUH?????!!!!!!!!

Thoughts on Teeth.........

I can hardly open my mouth, seems like my jaw is locking up

As a result, I had to cancel my appointment with the (regular) dentist today.

Fortunately the endo called and they had a cancellation tomorrow morning.

Praying that this piece will be completed soon. (the pain has improved somewhat)

My personal opinion at this point in time is that Paul's "thorn in his flesh" was a toothache!

For Females Only

Today, I started menstruating.

For the last time.

I'm not quite sure how to deal with this knowledge.
Part of me is okay with it.
Part of me is weird about it.

But to know that it is the definitive end is kinda strange.

Philippians 4:19

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

With God All Things are Possible

Amazed, overwhelmed, blessed................the words aren't sufficient.

Yesterday, I was meeting with the boss on some business related matters. She asked if I knew yet, my schedule for the surgery.

I shared with her that pre-op is scheduled for June 21st and that June 20th would be my last day in the office; surgery is Monday, June 25th; I will be in the hospital three to five days and that the the doctor said recovery time is expected to be six to eight weeks. (though she will consider the POSSIBILITY of allowing me to return on a part-time basis after four weeks).

I asked wonderful boss, if she would consider allowing tech support to set up remote access from my home computer to our business, as it would be much easier if I could initially work from home. WB agreed.

I suggested to her that it was time to make an official announcement to staff and director's (they will probably notice that I'm gone for two months). WB then inquired as to how much sick/vacation time I have available. I told her that I probably had less than 40 hours remaining, as I have been using time for doctor appointments up to three times a week since January.

I started crying when WB told me that she would send out an Email to staff offering them the opportunity to donate sick or vacation time. We would discuss the balance at a later date.

Due to another dentist appointment, I didn't get to the office til almost 9:30 this morning. First order of business is to check my Emails, schedule and phone messages. There was the Email to staff, the next was a reply from K, asking to donate a week. At about 9:35 WB informed me that within 20 minutes of sending the Email, three weeks had been donated. At 1:10 she informed me that I now have 8 weeks of donated sick time. 5 minutes later, I was meeting with our CFO. A staff member rushed in stating that he had been in meetings all morning and hadn't had time to reply to the request. "Could I still donate a week, and you can give some time back to the others?" CFO smiled at me.......... "see? everybody wants to be in on this". The generosity is overwhelming.

So often in my life, God has shown up wearing "people clothes".
All praise to Father, Son and Spirit. Amen.

Surgery Scheduled

Pre-Op is the 21st and surgery 6/25. (Jupiter Medical Center)
Pat said to expect to be in the hospital three to five days! I didn't think anyone stayed in the hospital that long anymore!
Mom is coming down to help the girls while I am in the hospital.

Speaking of which............Nel and Angie started their summer jobs yesterday. They are working 9am to 6pm as junior counselor's for our company's summer camp program. Yesterday AND today they both walked home for lunch, which they thought was pretty cool. I do too!

:-)

My Life

I got to see two dentists yesterday, and have half of a root canal!
(emergency visit)

sigh!

lol

My polka dots are fading :-)

(big red circles from interferon injections)

The "C" word

It's quite interesting how others respond to the "C" word.

It seems the typical scenario goes something like this:
First there's a long pause, a hesitancy, as though they are weighing HOW to reply. I have even found myself in the position of reassuring. I'm not so special or unique. I'm not a victim. Every day people deal with cancer.

It's okay to say the word, it's okay to talk about cancer, It's not a death sentence and even if it were, we can still enjoy today. We can still have joy. We can even LAUGH together.

There is blessing, even here!
Praise God in all things.

Wednesday

Today, I just felt like smiling at folk.

Today. A few moments and a kiss shared with my favorite guy and his wife (hehe).

Beautiful Nel

My Nel

This morning, my teen asked me if I was gonna go off my anti-depressant now that I'm no longer taking the interferon........................

Well, if I have any say in the matter, the answer is NO!!!

Think I'd like the opportunity to use them during the cancer stuff, ya know??

AWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Dear Family and Friends,

I just got back from my clinic (Hep C). I was "the problem child" this morning. In fact, I have been discontinued from the drug trial because of the new diagnosis of cancer. I'm a bit emotional right now as I was hoping to finish the study............wondering why I've had to be so sick the last 10 weeks and then have to quit.
I trust my Abba Father in every detail of my life. He has the answers that I do not. He sees what I cannot. He is Good. He is God.

LOL........I'm looking forward to getting some chores and laundry done this weekend! Since I won't be taking an interferon injection on Friday my energy level should be better.
PET/CT scan on Tuesday.

Praise Him in all things!

Dawn

Oncologist

The doctor spent almost three hours with me today.

There will be further tests before we can determine if surgery is an option. Plan B would be radiation therapy with chemo.

CT/PET scan is next Tuesday.

I love yer prayers!!!!!!!
God is good. He is faithful.

I Shoulda Took a Picture!

Very frequently, enroute to the schools, one of us will observe that the teen and tween are wearing the same color shirts............ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today, they both came out yelling, "Mom, tell her to change!!!!!!!!!"
"I was dressed first"
"but I had mine picked out last night!"
They were both wearing above the knee skinny denim cut-offs and the same hoodie sweatshirt from AE.

Nobody changed (after all they are at different schools), but their mom started her day with a chuckle.

PTL!!! I'm a Loser! :-)

I shoulda kept the "skinny jeans" (lost 13 pounds in 10 weeks and so far I've kept my hair!)

LOL.............. I pulled one over on my co-workers...........they finally decided to revisit the "biggest loser" game................and I'm winning!

sick, rested all weekend.
18 more injections. Oncologist on Wednesday.

Praise Him in all things.

The Week in Review!

Most days, it's a chore to journal anymore.
Though, the thoughts and prayers are on my heart.
Earlier this week, I was contemplating this journey. For so many years, I prayed for God to wave his magic wand and just make this germ go away.

He chose not to, and I am realizing that even in this there is peace, there is sanctification. There is gratitude for the lessons being lived. A tempering of faith that would not have happened if the miracle had been an instantaneous healing. I'm too tired to move, but instead of complaining, I LOOK into the faces of others around me. I wonder what their journey is. I smile a bit longer at the bank teller and thank her by name.

The drugs create symptoms and sensations in my body, instead of being frustrated, I understand, these weird things going on are proof of my healing. I thank God.

On Wednesday, a call from my gynecologist - cervical cancer.
Father God, I am really, really certain that this is just TOO much.
I am still in the processing (grieving) of this new news.

Please pray for us. Please pray for my girls.

A Quickie......

Surgery went well on Friday. Some pain, been in bed most of the weekend. Pathology report should be back in about a week.

Had clinic on Friday, as of 6 week bloods, my viral load was at 1,230. (At the beginning of the trial it was at 1.3 million, and at 4 weeks was at 80,000. I started protease inhibitor at 4 weeks.)

Praise the Lord. Praise him in all things.

Twenty More......

slept from 8pm friday to 6:30pm saturday.

headache, fatigue, etc.

Surgery is Friday the 11th.

#3

I'm so proud of my girls when they do the right thing...............even when it's not the "cool" thing to do.

Congratulations to beautiful Angela who was initiated into the National Junior Honor Society on Thursday.

New Theory

Since the bathroom is the only room that I really frequent these days, if i keep it really really spotless, it won't matter what the rest of the house looks like?

HeHe

Great News!

Day 1 of trial my viral load was 1,290,000
As of week 4, viral load is 80,700.

I'm believing that we will clear this virus. and stay clear.
Praise the Lord!

My Girl

Alana is crawling "all over the place" and standing in her crib. (hehe- if only her parents had a clue as to how this changes their world.)

Reconsidering the Nursing Home Theory

For a summer in high school, I worked as an aide at a nursing home.

I've since thought that once I lost control of "a certain bodily function" (a HEM) they'd have to put me in one of those places.

I have recently changed my mind on that particular detail.
However, I do find myself intentionally cognizant of scheduling near bathroom facilities these days.

Typical Days (It Could be Another Ravioli Day)

Tuesday:

1. leave the house at 8am
2. drop nel off at school (this one is bossy in the morning)
3. drop gwenita off at school (she is sooo "not a morning person")
4. arrive to work 9ish
5. prepare for meeting
6. leave work at 5 to go to track meet at middle school
7. pick up high schooler at 7pm (she got out of band practice at 5pm)
8. drive through for dinner
9. back to the office 8-10pm

Today:

• repeat steps 1 through 4
• leave work 5ish to pick up AVKD from track practice
• pick up nel from HS 6ish (she got out of school at 4pm)
• quick snack for dinner
• back to HS for 7pm meeting
• back to office 8-10pm

I don't miss the the daycare and diapers days, but teens take just as much energy as babies, just in different ways.

Any volunteers to take the teens shopping this weekend? (lol). They both need new "formal wear". A dress for awards ceremonies and performance attire for Universal Studios next week.

One of the reasons that I know I'm His favorite is because He blessed me with the bestest kids and the most beautiful and precious granddaughter in the whole world.

Thank you, Father!

A 10 day?!!!!

Yesterday was my best day yet, even for most of the day.

As I was thinking on it this morning, evaluating, I decided it was a "10 day" since starting my medication.

Which is a "5" prior to the drugs, but when I was feeling poorly.

Which is prolly a "3" day from what I remember of "normal" life.

It encouraged me..........I can look forward to more days like this! Even more!!!

Praise Him in ALL things.

To Quote My Dad........

I actually got my floor washed and waxed last Saturday and got a couple of loads of laundry done. Then I spent the rest of the weekend in bed. sigh. had a tooth pulled last week and have been in a lot of pain from that. I need a bridge now and two crowns, but only one cavity I also had a coloscopy and we have scheduled a cone biopsy (MAY 11th).

I started my protease inhibitor a week ago Friday. Very kewl news regarding that............ of those who started protease inhibitor at the beginning of the trial (5wks ago) several have cleared the virus already! THIS gives us hope.I am very tired ALL the time. I'm pretty depressed too. On Wednesday, I was so sick that I stayed home from work. My triglycerides are up 300 points, so they called in a new prescription for me. (It's a common side effect.) My response to Vi was "I'm already taking 20 pills a day.........what's a few more?" "Pretty weird when ya look to the Friday night INJECTION to break up the monotony" hehe.

The girls are hanging in there. It's tough on them too, especially since I pretty much hit the couch or bed when I get home. We have an appointment with a therapist. Last night they had CANNED ravioli for dinner.........I feel like such a bad mom. Jeni took Nel grocery shopping the other day. That was such a blessing! I did find a pill container that's big enough, so now I can put out a week's worth and know if I remembered my meds. Just keeping track is a job! Interestingly, I do have some very FINE moments and good days, I just dont know when they're gonna show up. lol. Angela had her first track meet on Thursday and sang a beautiful solo at an event for her after-school program. From jeans to track clothes to high heels, changing clothes and "hats" along the way. lol.

I am now working one week five eight hour shifts and the alternate week, four 10-hr shifts. Work is very busy. My friday off is also my clinic, so I try to schedule as many doctor, etc appointments on those days. 5 weeks down 23 to go. I'm relearning the concept of "Day by Day" on a very different level these days.

This Day...

"We ask a loving God to comfort those who are suffering today"

Ouchie!

My dentist appointment this morning didnt go anything like we planned or hoped........

Course it doesnt hurt till after you leave the office.

Ouch!

Easter Monday

Well, no chills or muscle aches this past weekend! yay!
Slight fever. And today the "d" word. I managed to get our family to church and to "grandma's house" yesterday (where I took a nap).
Alana and Jeni spent Saturday night and Easter Sunday with us. Alana was having a very loud and joyful time in church, laughing and talking and flirting with the elder couple sitting behind us.

Holly is a "baby hog" too.
Alana's first tooth.
Angie is officially taller than Debbie T (in bare feet)

I feel like I could just sleep for the next 24 weeks. I know I'm not spozed to, but I feel like I could.

My house is a mess. My kids are eating a lot of cereal and frozen pizza for dinner these days. Nel says that we haven't been grocery shopping in three weeks, but she's exaggerating. The "easter bunny" showed up at our house without my doing and nel and "gwenita" were "spoiled rotten". Thank you. So, I guess it's hard boiled eggs and chocolate for dinner tonight. with juicy pear jelly belly's for desert?

Praise him in ALL things! :-)

God Incidences

I don't believe in coincidences. I don't believe in "planets aligning to effect human behaviors".
At our house, we call the strange phenomenae that seem to occur randomly "Godincidences".
I wonder sometimes, often I don't understand. I trust God.

This past week, a photo of Amy elicited a pondering. It's been almost two years since she left us. Two whole years, our lives have gone on but there is still a hole, as long as we live, we will miss her. Some of the tears have subsided and been replace with gentle smiles of reminiscience, but it will never be the same.

On Tuesday, I received a phone call from Steve. At first I didnt recognize his voice. Then as he relayed his journey since our last contact two years ago, I was glad and grateful. I have prayed for him daily. There have been times when I have felt that he was in trouble. There are times that I have known that he was dying. I prayed again, asking God to send someone. Asking for a miracle. The Lord has given him another chance at life, at recovery.

Yesterday a young man came to me, one like a brother had died suddenly on Monday. I listened, we cried. I told him that I was sorry for his loss. I told him that I can't offer an explanation or insight. Sometimes, life just doesn't make sense. I told him that people who care will say really stupid things. I asked him to forgive them. I told him that the crying is healthy, that someday he will cry less, I told him that his life will never be the same. The loss of one who is special, never ever goes away. With time it will change, but there is always a place in our heart "just for him".
I think that's part of loving.

Please pray for M. Pray for Steve. Pray for Holly. Pray for Nancy.

Practice for Menopause?

About a million times a day my physical and emotional mood changes. I can be happy one moment and crying "for no reason" five minutes later. I can be energetic and smiling and just a short while later, craving a nap. Getting out of bed each day is a chore. It must be really tough to be my kid or my friend these days and see the erratic moods. Of course I try to hide the "ugly" part of this. I was just in the break room conversing with a co-worker with tears running down my face. I explained it is my medicine. That seemed sufficient.

I'm so uncomfortable with the fatigue and the crying.
And yet, I find myself really celebrating the happy moments, truly cherishing even the smallest details. And laughing when I can. I have so very much to be grateful for.

Thursday

I just dont know if I can bring myself to drink 100 oz of water today.

Alana Lynn

Are "We" Having Fun Yet?

I'm not going to be so graphic as to stipulate the specifics of WHY I've spent most of my day in the restroom.
I did call the 800# to talk to a nurse. She said the symptoms are "common side effects". She re-iterated the importance of drinking lots of water and eating protein rich foods. The irony is that my appetite is about gone. But if I don't eat well, she said that it will only compound the fatigue.

What an adventure this is!
(so my tooth hurts and my butt hurts!)

Living at the MD...........

Last week was such an easy week. I only went to the doctor's or had procedures ONCE!
Two this week: emergency dentist and a second, specialized mammogram.
Three next week: dentist, gastroenterologist and colposcopy.
and so far, only one the following week.
(This has been going on since December)

I'm thinking of running away from home again! hehe

Spring Break!!

About now, my girls should be arriving at "Blizzard Beach" with their youth group. Saturday, Nel spent a couple of hours at the beach with some friends. Saturday evening both spent the night at their cousins. On Sunday a 17th birthday party at the lake with all of their family. Climbing trees and riding jet-skis, eating hotdogs and cake getting sunburned even with sunscreen on.

One of my greatest blessings these days is seeing them doing "normal kid stuff", forgetting the things at home for a bit.

Do hotdogs on a grill constitute "home cooked meal"?
Thanks, dad!!! :-)

Surprised Again

Yesterday was a pretty cool day. Well, most of the day.

Again, feeling like I'm moving in slow motion. Nonetheless, I got Jhinel to the beach and back - beach clean-up. Gas in the truck. Girls down to Tom's. Stopped at the auto parts store and got an air filter. installed it. Home Depot for keys and light bulbs. The bank, car wash and grocery store. I got home around 7:30, fixed myself a quick bite, took my pills and rested. I was pretty tired.

Parked in front of the TV. and got sick. sheeshhhhhhh. fever, chills and achy, by the time I called John, I was crying and whiney.

Today, I don't want to move. I have a family gathering at 2:00. I will bring my chair and umbrella and a book, find a tree to sit under, I hope.

work tomorrow. 25 injections remain.

A Week's Worth.......

It is hard for me to find time and energy to keep up with this blog these days. But I committed to journaling this journey, if for no other reason than to allow me from having to answer the phone when I'm feeling poorly.

Monday, I met with my pastor and shared with him this chapter of our family story. As I was driving to my appointment, I wondered, "why am I going to talk to him?" A small voice inside told me to "just show up". I was truly blessed by our meeting. A gift for my girls, a word that I needed to hear, and promise of prayers. I am again reminded that God knows our need even before we do.

Wednesday, a visit with my beautiful grand-daughter. Her laughter and smile are like sunshine.

On Thursday, I was allowed to participate in a special blessing for Jennifer. A surprise visitor which elicited tears of joy from Jen and more time for me with my grand-daughter (hehe). Thursday, I actually was feeling physically and emotionally better for most of the day. At about 7pm, I "hit the wall" and went home to rest.

Friday was clinic. So far, we're doing great. Next visit I will begin the protease inhibitor. As I told Joan of my constantly leaking eyes, she said a word that finally hit home. (I KNOW that "side effects" often include depression). "Interferon actually interferes with serotonin production" (duh) I get it now! At our next visit, we may increase my dosage of lexapro.

Last night was injection night, "if I do get sick maybe I'll sleep through it". Well, I actually woke up several times last night AND I WAS NOT SICK!!!! (thank you, Father)

This morning, I was talking to a friend who commented that it was "good to spend time with the real Dawn again!" (Praise God, Praise God, Praise God!!!) But shortly after taking my pills I couldnt remember if I had taken them, so I need to start logging them WHEN I take them.

Thank YOU for your continued prayers!
ETB!

I Spoke Too Soon

This weekend was tough. My eyes leaked all weekend for "no reason". I was soooo tired - slept 16 hours on Saturday, but AFTER the band competition and ice cream.

Was grateful that the girls had one of their semi-annual visitations with their dad on Sunday. As they were out, and I was able to do some chores in slow motion. And they got to have a fun day, shopping, saw the "teen-aged mutant ninja" movie! rofl! they're such a riot!

Thankful for ice-cream with "Gwenita". Thankful for teenaged girls. And clean sheets. Hoping for a home-cooked meal this week. (A girl's gotta have a dream!)
Thankful that I never walk alone. God is with me. And sends his people!
hehe.

If a Tree Falls in the Forest....

Injection #2 last night. Since I was able to take this one at home, I waited until evening. Hoping that if I got sick again, I would sleep through it. Last week it was six hours after the injection that I felt so horribly, so last night I took my shot at 8pm.

I think I fell asleep around 11pm. Still feeling fine! :-)
This morning, I woke up still feeling fine :-). Maybe I had the fever, chills, aching at 2am and slept through it. But as far as I'm concerned, I didnt get sick last night.

hehe.

And if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, it does NOT make noise.

Update

Last Friday, I awoke with excitement. not nervous. not anxious. just happy to "get this show on the road". Thank Him!

As it is, I was "randomly selected" to participate in one of the 28 week branches of the trial. (I was actually hoping for one of the 48 week branches.) Trust Him. Trust Him. Trust Him.

The appointment went well. the injection went well. I went to work.
At 4pm I went home and went to bed. horrible freezing chills, fever, everything ached! I slept until morning. I ignored everybody's phone calls.

Saturday, I woke up feeling great!
I have had a headache all week. gotta remember to take drugs with me to bible study and when I have late meetings.

Yesterday was Jeni's 26th birthday. She spent it working and caring for a sick baby. Not such an unusual way for a mom to spend her birthday. She will come and have cake with us tonight.

Writer's Block?

For me, writer's block is usually rooted in a too busy schedule and sheer exhaustion.

Today

Today, I am grateful for all of the prayers that are being prayed.

I'm also grateful for those who remind me to keep my head outta my butt. lol.

DRUGS & PRAYERS

I just got off the phone with the doctor's office.

My pre-tests are all done and I will begin treatment next Friday. My appointment is at 8:30am. Apparently my FIRST injection has to be self-administered in the office.
They said to fast, but bring something to eat with me also bring tylenol.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.

Thank you, Father for the healing which has already been done.

If Only You Knew.........

If only you knew what happens when eight hundred women spend a weekend together in a beautiful place, leaving children, spouses, jobs, errands and laundry to worship and celebrate our Lord together!

WE'RE CRAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's A Good Day to Live in South Florida....

Bitter Cold, Blowing Snow Hit Northeast
By WILLIAM KATES
AP
SYRACUSE, N.Y. (March 7) - Fierce wind and biting cold kept youngsters home from school Tuesday in upstate New York and authorities warned against perilous driving conditions....

A "beach day" perhaps?

Insert Scream Here!

So, I get a call from the "other doctor's" office this morning......
"We need you to come in to discuss some of your test results with you" (they've only gotten one back so far) (additional testing will be required, grrr and then whatever comes after that). I feel like I'm spending my life in waiting rooms, labs, hospitals, clinics and doctor's offices and wishing that I were in MY office at work. It probably wouldn't be of such concern if my kids didn't need a place to sleep or food.

Forgive me, Dad.................I just dont know how to be gracious at this moment.
Forgive me, Father for being angry and weak. Please give me Your strength. I pray for peace, I pray for joy. I pray in Jesus name.

P.S. When I do get to the point of leaving THIS world, I want to do it in peace, not running to a doctor appointment.

I think I'll become a hermit. lol.

Monday

More tests today - radiology and eye exams. Results from the blood tests have come in and it's realistic that my first injection will be a week from Friday. Since the interferon injections are once a week, most people do them on Friday, so we can puke our guts out over the weekend and be ready for work on Monday. pills are twice a day.

Pray for my girls.

Lift Us In Prayer....

A weekend of women in fellowship, prayer and worship!
Please remember us in your prayers. That the Holy Spirit will move in a mighty way.

(And that kids and husbands will survive)

Please Read

www.ericdolchfoundation.org

An Opportunity...

http://expansion.acceleratedcure.org/bosmar07/runners/runnerpage.asp?fundid=500&emailsent=1

Florida in February

I've Got Sunshine...........On a Cloudy Day

Savedbygrace0255: do you realizie that every day the sun is shinning , some times we just cant see it for the clouds ,
ANewDayDawns714: :-)
Savedbygrace0255: its like Jesus , he is always there

Appointment 1

I committed to recording this part of my journey, so here goes:

I had a rough night last night......................my "no big deal" attitude came under attack. Thank God for John..........who stayed up with me most of the night, just keeping me company, listening to me cry.

Of course, the appointment went just as I expected, they took a ton of blood and did an EKG. and I signed a contract of sorts, 21 pages of informed consent - which lays out EVERYTHING, got scripts for an eye exam and chest Xray. Should be starting the meds in about two weeks. Joan said the first three weeks are the worst, then it will get better, then often yukky again. So grateful that I wont have to walk this journey alone. Pray for NO SIDE EFFECTS (cept for the weight loss-lol). Pray for perserverance and strength. Pray for my kids.

(dang! I hate being so needy!) prolly some issues in there too! rofl!

Monday

February 26th. consents and pre-trial labs, etc. DRUGS come next.

Oswego, NY

February, 2007

On Love and Valentine's Day

During the sermon today, Pastor made reference to Saul's encounter with the Lord on the road to Damascus (Acts 9:3,4).
It brought back memories of a special encounter of my own.

February 14, 2000. Not only was it the first Valentine's day that I had experienced (as an adult, of course) without the "usual" romantic themes. It was the actual date of my divorce. Seemed rather ironic to me that a final divorce hearing would occur on Valentine's day, but circumstances would not allow us to re-schedule within the necessary time frame. It would turn out to be a most profound day.

It was on a Monday and Monday evenings were when I attended a support group "overcomers". A call came from a not-quite-eighteen year old prodigal, "Are you going to be home tonight, mom?" I replied with an invite to join me for my meeting, but of course, a "not quite eighteen year old" young woman has much more romantic plans for this evening of lovers. "Well, we'll just drop by for a few minutes". She and her date were late and in a hurry, but beautiful roses and a box of chocolate were presented with a card, hugs, kisses and "I love you's". This was HUGE, for years she had rebelled and rejected. For the better part of three years, she had not lived at home. This day she chose to bring an offering of love. The healing that I had prayed and cried out for was finally available for both of us. I was running late, the flowers quickly went into a vase, the chocolates, opened and shared, the card tucked, unopened, into my bible.

Our meetings alway opened with prayer requests and praise reports, as I waited for the meeting to begin, I took the card out and read it. With quiet tears, I shared this joy with ones who had prayed for so long. My prodigal had returned!

I thought that was the lesson. He heals in His time, not Dawn's. I can trust Him with all things. I can even trust Him with "my kids".

As I drove home that evening, I cried much larger tears. Of relief, of hope, of joy. I remembered several specific incidents which had hurt me.

One in particular was the night I was called to the Emergency Room by a doctor. My child had been dropped off and the ER doctor knew she was alone and lying about her age. He convinced her that he had to call. When I arrived she looked so small, her voice was gone, her energy was so sad. As I approached her on the gurney in the hall, she turned her back to me and said "You are not my mother". She tried to scream at me but physically was incapable. I didn't hug her. I only stood with her. I quietly replied, "I love you and I will not leave you". With a police escort, she was released to my custody with a promise that she would stay at home until her follow-up visit with her physician. She would leave again, to the streets, to the friends who dabbled in witchery and drugs and sex. I couldn't stop her. But I never, ever stopped loving her.

And on this Valentine's Eve, with no man and the ink hardly dry on my divorce papers...........I knew no anger, no bitterness. My experience was the most beautiful joy, the most wonderful celebration, all was forgiven. My prodigal had come home! As I sat at a red light, I cried tears of gratitude.

It was then that I heard His voice. The voice of my Father. At a red light on Valentine's day. "Now you know how I feel", He said to me. And I thought of my own life. How many times had I tried to do it on my own, venturing into that far and distant land, thinking that my way was the better, forgetting Him, even seeking out other gods. I had rejected Him in my actions, if not my words. And yet, He was always with me. His grace, His forgiveness allowed for no bitterness. And when I surrendered and came home, He cried tears of joy that this prodigal had returned as well.

Got Grandma Duty Tonight

She laughed and talked and sang. She rolled over!!!!!
This is such fun. Beautiful Alana Lynn.

"Let it Snow!"

02/02/07 - Oswego,NY

I think that my favorite Aunt should be contemplating a day at the beach! (lol)

NOT "Normal"

lol
lol
lol

just like the rest of me, my liver ain't "normal". hehe.
but nonetheless we are very very pleased with the biopsy results.

And it looks like the drug trial will begin very soon. Schering-Plough will be conducting the clinic site evaluation on Wednesday. This is an exciting time. Lord, help me.

Biopsy Scheduled

Friday, January 26th 8am

WHO SAID IT?????

"I'm just not a morning person" (blondie)

"Has anyone seen my hair brush?"
"Mom, I gave it to the peach." (02/07/07)

"MOM!!, this is my best half-birthday EVER!!!" (01/28/07)

"oh snap!"

"boo boo, mommy, boo boo"
(stated as a bedtime stalling ploy)

"I'm having a green pepper moment"

"You're beautiful"

"Our Father, who art in heaven
hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from eagles.........."

"Pray for the fish"

Check This Out

http://thedashmovie.com/

I'm Looking Forward To.....

I'm looking forward to not being so tired all the time.

Alana DIDN'T do it!!!!

A funny thing is going on............

Lately at my house, whenever something happens that isn't supposed to, or when something that isn't supposed to happen does, my inquiry is responded to with a resounding chorus of "Alana did it!" and giggles. The 11 and 15 never tried assigning blame before............not even on each other.

Those nasty, mean "baby hog" aunts are conspiring!

(how do they expect a two month old to get my red nail polish out of the medicine cabinet anyways???!!!)

I'm #20

subtitled: will you still love me if I lose my hair?

For ten years I have refused treatment. The common side effects are too risky, too potentially devastating and the outcomes just not good enough yet.

One of the blessings of this germ, is the time that it allows. But after almost 30 years, I'm feeling it. The labs continue to worsen and this germ is impacting the quality of my life. I struggle to get through most days.

I still don't WANT to take the meds. I still wonder if I can work and take care of my children. I worry most about the psychiatric implications of interferon/ribavirin, the depression and rage, etc

I told my God about my worries and confessed my stubbornness. I told him that if it is his will for me to take the drugs that it would probably take a "burning bush" in order for me to hear him.

One month ago it was announced that the FDA had approved trials on the use of protease inhibitors in treating HCV. I've heard that 400 world-wide and twenty from our community would be selected for this trial. I did my research, I prayed, I said to my heavenly father, "if I am offered this opportunity" I will take this step. The odds were slim to nuthin!

On Monday, I went in to get my lab results and schedule my biopsy....
She said to me........."there's a new trial........it was full.......today one of the participants opted out......there's one spot available........do you want it?"

Please remember us in your prayers. specially the girls.
Remember today also, Ellas and Prior.

Thank you

Thank you for all of YOUR prayers yesterday.

My day was filled with amazing.................the morning business meeting that I was told was going to be tough "was a piece of cake".

Frustration was replaced with a peace as I went to my appointment in the afternoon. I was too early and was prepared to wait, but Sofia was a delight and I didn't wait at all. (She kept saying, "your such a cute lil thing". I'm not CUTE and I'm not little, but her attitude was delightful and we had FUN! and I lost fifty pounds in the last three weeks--or at least that's what my CHART says!!!!! lol)

Then the miracle.............(Im still too amazed to put it to words)

Again, as I left the office I was crying.............but this time it wasn't out of anger or frustration. It was with gratitude and joy at having witnessed the Lord's way.

To my friend in Alaska..........you didnt know and yet the perfect scripture was Emailed to start my day. To my FAVORITE aunt in NY thank you for your prayers. Holly will call you today. To my TAG team and Patti and Bill and Mike and Tasha and Marsha and Nancy your prayers and little notes of encouragement truly encouraged me, gave me strength and blessed me. This is who we are, this is what we do as brothers and sisters in Christ. To John.....thank you for sharing my tears, thank you for sharing my joy. Thank you for your constant prayers. To my sister Holly, I love you so much. You are an encouragement and a blessing. I'm glad that God gave me you as a kid sister.

Praise HIM in all things! God help me.

My Sympathies....

Contrary to what my fanatical FSU fan daughter believes, ALL FSU fans are not "Gator Haters" by default.

My sympathies are extended to the "buckeyes" who might be eavesdropping.
(hehe)

Prayer Requests

Please lift up 7 year old Ellas and his family in prayer today for healing.

Please lift up Prior and his wife. His liver is failing.

Please pray for all "tween" girls with raging hormones. That they can still see the love.