This is the one and only "official" update on the details of my absence from blogging. The one time in my life that it actually hurt too much to write. This was written in December, 2011, I am posting March 2012:
My faith has been challenged beyond what I thought
possible. Last year I celebrated Christmas (2010) in the hospital. In fact, I
spent six weeks and then another two. I haven't been as active on this
web site since and here's why.
Beginning in late June of 2010 and for almost six months, I'd sought relief for excruciating pains (on the proverbial 1 to 10 scale, a 13),accompanied by horrendous fatigue and other symptoms. Two hospitals, a walk-in
emergency clinic, and two doctors told me that they could find nothing
wrong. Actually the last doctor stated that I was depressed and had
scoliosis. He ordered an MRI and gave me pain pills and an
antidepressant. Both were incorrect diagnosis. When the severe rash
started, he gave me a referral for a dermatologist. By this time I'd
left my job
and my 16 year-old daughter and I had moved in with my mother. Even
though the doctors couldn't find a cause, my health was rapidly
declining. I could barely walk and my breathing had become quite
labored, For over a month, I'd had no appetite, when I forced myself to eat it
wouldn't stay down......
On December 2nd, I drove myself to the hospital. And was admitted.
Within minutes ACCURATE diagnosis were being made. That night, I was
diagnosed with severe anemia and was advised that my kidneys had shut
down. The next day, I was informed of the real culprit - multiple
myeloma. A rare and incurable cancer of the blood plasma. The irony
that I continue to struggle with today is that a simple blood test is the
diagnostic tool, and had my diagnosis come sooner, I would not have lost
use of my kidneys. Obviously, for the last year we have been
aggressively addressing this cancer and have encountered many joys and
disappointments along the way. Hemodialysis, is one example, it is an exhausting treatment which I get at a dialysis center three times per week. My life revolves around my treatment schedule. As much of a pain that it is, it is one of the reasons that I continue to be alive.
Shortly after my discharge from the hospital, we learned that my cousin's son had been
diagnosed with a lymphoma. His battle with this cancer was relatively
brief, and at 36, Mikey passed. My heart has been broken with sadness
for his beautiful momma.
What I thought was THE worst came at the end of August, I was driving home from Tallahassee, FL. I had taken my girl and her new papasan chair back to college. Shortly before arriving "home" I received a phone
call, to call my girl back as soon as I reached my destination. It didn't make a lot
of sense but ..... what the heck! When I pulled into the driveway
and called her back, I understood immediately why she had been so
stubborn about not telling me as I was driving. My kid sister had gone
away for the weekend with her husband. She was now in the hospital in a
coma. They didn't know how long she would live. NOW the depression
would begin.
A day or so later, a
friend came and picked me up and took me to Ft. Myers to be close to my
beautiful sister. At some point it was decided to take her off life
support. It was a miracle that she continued to live! She was eventually transferred to a private hospital closer
to her home, and between her husband and our mom someone was with her
but for a couple of hours at night. Then came the worst news yet. Momma had come home for a couple of
days when the phone call came........My brother-in-law was dead. Our beloved
Chad...just didn't have the strength physically and emotionally to continue. I believe that he died with a broken heart.
As difficult as this has been for me personally, It has been so much more for their parents and children; to my own 16-year-old daughter, Chad was "like a father." She spent many weekends or vacation days
"hanging" out with their family, she has struggled so much, but
thankfully is finding some relief in therapy.
When I quit smoking in September 2009, I was the happy quitter! I HAD PLANS for my new,
healthy life!!!! I started working out and was walking 5K's. I planned
on running a 5K for my 51st birthday.....ha! "MY" plans. Today, I
walk with a walker or a cane. I must "rest" much too often for my liking.
Today, my prayers are simple.....healing for
Holly and for us ALL and for God to have his will in my life, even as I
struggle with my own purpose in his plan. I pray for strength for my
momma who lives near the neurological center to be with my kid sister.
So, that's the nutshell version. I'm happy to entertain questions.
If the thought should cross your mind, all prayers are appreciated.
Dawn
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